What am I doing with my life.
Like seriously. What.
All I have ever done is study and study. There have been other significant events, but it always comes back to school. You ever notice that? Regardless of what special event there is, or what competition you attended, it always comes back to the same thing.
Study. Get good grades. Be a good student.
What on earth does that mean?
You can only become better in the thugs that you practice. These days, surrounded by books and binders in an undulating landscape, the only thing I’ve been practicing is the art of studying. Everyday, I come home to work on that pesky assignment, or read more about this topic. What does that actually mean?
You look out the window, you don’t see professional studiers. You don’t see people running from place to place, making their livelihood on how much information they can cram into their cranium.
Well actually, you do, but those are called “grad students” and we try to ignore them.
But really, the only futures for a man that only knows how to study is research. What else would you be able to do? What else could you apply yourself to?
Perhaps the one thing that keeps me rooted onto sanity is the ability to find solace in the struggle; to convince myself that by studying, I’ll be able to do some great works in the future.
But what does that matter?
Even if I do something great, does life just immediately snap back to its original state? When you start leaving academia and explore the world, doesn’t the pressure of homework and parents snap you right back into this mold of conformity, this repeated pattern of notes, test, notes, test, notes…
When does it end? If this is all we can wrap our little minds around, how in the world are we going to be able to function?
We are addicted to doing our best, to achieve this high marks that we know we deserve. We are addicted to those little green check marks, to those higher than 100 numbers followed by a percentile sign. We are addicted to the fluff and praise that those shiny certificates promise us.