Sometimes, the most critical things need to break down for the most true to fly free.
Today was Valentine’s Day.
Today’s the day where the cute couples get together, and the single people also get together and laugh narcissistic. It’s the day full of love, but also filled with sadness (SAD FTW). Today is a very special day for many people.
It was particularly special by breaking my heart.
I suppose it could be seen that I was coming on too strong, and I guess that my own egotism had been hiding that from me all this time. I’ve been covering myself up, and sort of just blending in. Following the absurdities of culture. Becoming another person.
Today broke all of that.
I suppose there is some degree of irony in how much of a critical role gossip played into this. I always assumed gossip was more or less a harmless way of starting conversations; infusing a little bit of current events into the talk. I think that the ToK book would have defined it as a type of ritual, something of a social nicety.
Gossip ain’t cool kids. Be warned.
But as my heart crumbles, the prison that I’ve built up for myself slowly falls away. The chains of ritual fall away one by one as I embrace this world around me.
I’ve deactivated anything that I could and blocked the rest with StayFocused as much as I could. And for once, I was marginally concentrated. I was thinking, not working. I was discovering, not following.
And it takes a broken heart to make something new.