Summer Reflections

Even if I haven’t learned anything this summer, there is one valuable skill that I am so happy to have come into contact with. Something that others seem to be so natural at, and something that I have had to work on.

I’ve begun to learn how to actually interact with people!

Yes, go ahead. Laugh at me, smirk at my incompetence. I’m not going to go on a huge spiel here, but as a child, I didn’t really … talk to people? I was that bookworm, that slightly weird kid in the corner. I spent my time reading or practicing, not playing or *shudder* exercising. Even in the later days of middle school, where friendships actually begin to blossom, I didn’t have that easy connection with others.

It might be something a lot more common than I think, but it was just so hard to talk to other people. Conversations had awkward beginnings, awkward endings, and you can bet your hat that there were lots of awkward pauses in between. I didn’t approach others without a question and half a conversation mapped out in my mind.

But lately, I’ve been learning how to be human again. Slowly learning how to just banter and talk with no purpose at all, just to become someone who doesn’t get on other people’s nerves. Like a reluctant turtle poking his head out of his shell, I am exploring.

What perhaps is most amazing is that there are tons of people out there also as awkward as I am! Such a great discovery, something I wish I really found out earlier. It is great to just go out there and mess up, screw up or do whatever. It is what I learned this summer. And oh, I am so glad that I did.

Marchin’ On

A battalion, 64 in 8 rows, on the dusty road
kilometers of unbrokeness, behind and ahead.
each wearer soldier no longer of his own
his mind and his past disappears in his trek.

Doom and despair are left in the wake,
shattered shards of heart left in Saigon.
What could we do, what actions can we take?
only to head towards eternity, forever marching on.

Lion’s Head, Snake’s Tail

There is an old 成语, or chinese idiom that my parents always say to me: 虎头蛇尾, or translated literally, lion’s head, snake’s tail. It honestly is a back-of-the-hand insult, meaning that you start too many things but never tend to finish them.

Honestly, it describes me quite well. I always have this huge amount of enthusiasm when I begin a project, and for a couple of days, seem to live off the adrenaline rush that accompanies it. I start reading up, getting signed up for everything, and just so heavily involved in every little aspect of it.

Yet, wherever I go, I leave behind a trail of projects that have fallen by the wayside, forgotten or covered up in utter shame. There is so much that I do that just ends up in nothingness.

When I translated this idiom in google translate, it actually gave me the term “anticlimax”, which I suppose makes quite a bit of sense. You tend to build and build and build, but suddenly you hit a brick wall and *poof*, all of your work has gone away.

My attitude tends to make me a person who is a “jack of all trades, master of none”, as I have pointed out several times earlier. I like to dabble, to get involved in the amateur stuff, but my weakness is in persisting through with an idea; to see it to its end. I might blame my short attention span; I might attribute it to low willpower. But whatever it is, it is one of my major flaws.

In fact, procrastination really tends to stem from this. If there is something that I am supremely interested in, I couldn’t afford to procrastinate! It is that I just slowly lose interest and the project falls, dead to my mind.

There are ties to education as well; why I love reading popular science articles yet find it difficult to really sit down and learn. I want to be stimulated, but I’m afraid of putting in the energy.

Like all habits, this is something that I need to slowly work on, day after day. It might just mean doing something that I don’t like very much, just to get into the habit of working. Maybe it means forcing myself to love and to learn even when it feels like that dark cloud of gloom is upon me again. Whatever it is, it is something that I need to change.

Starlight

Feeling small against pinpricks of light
gazing upwards, facing the void
I see, not galaxies of great height
but gaps between, such darkness employed.

A single pair of eyes will choose and pick
gloss over the bright, to darkness within.
The windows of our souls merely reflect the abyss
blindness descends, panic follows and comes in.

Only pairs of singles could grow and overcome
your touch is the key to my heart and my eyes
I with you, and you with I my love
We shall see the reawakened sky
and joy, rejoice! Together we shall ride high.

Minds over Matter (Anesthesia and Vicoprofen)

Part I:

Time: 10:05, night before surgery

Honestly, this is just a bit of a prewrite done on a crappy iPad keyboard that is only being worked on due to no other devices. Yeah yeah, too spoiled. Whatever.

I wanted to just sorta document my mental state, and my current worries, before going in to the surgery, which will be the first time in my memory of going under general anesthesia, something that I find to be completely fascinating.

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Presenting

Words are a powerful thing for us, but it is quite interesting to consider how they come to be our primary form of communications.

For those reading this article in English, please consider the rudimentary fact that all of our words, all of our grandiose and eloquent ideas, are derived from a simple set of 26 letters (not including those numbers and punctuation marks we love so dear)

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A Sleepy Brain

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I woke up around 7:45 this morning, just lying in my bed becoming more aware of the breeze and the covers that have seemingly magically appeared over me during the night. As I snuggled and resisted the urge to wake up, I started thinking about the day ahead of me.

And then, as most people should know of, I started having these wild and crazy dreams. You know, the ones where I would actually be productive and finish that statistics course instead of only talking about it. You know, those plans on waking up and just jogging in the neighborhood for an hour. Those plans of cleaning the house, of making something good to eat.

But, like most people should again be familiar with, as soon as I wake up those ambitions seem to just vaporize.

Why?

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Interesting People

This isn’t about how to be interesting, or even about the interesting people that I’ve met. Instead, it is about the qualities that I perceive to make someone’s words or actions just pop a little more than your average Joe.

So, a simple list of qualities I think this Most Interesting Man in The World should have:

  • Sharp Eyes
  • A Mouth
  • Good Memory
  • Good Brain

…and yeah, that is about it! A shorter list than what even I expected, but really, those are the only features that I believe make someone interesting.

Let’s explain this, shall we?

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