Failures

What do you think other’s fail at? What do you think YOU fail at?

As a society, we tend to shun those who fail.

The homeless person on the street? Someone who has failed in managing money. The recluse who prefers the company of books more than people? Someone who has failed to gain social skills. The 49ers? A team that failed in front of the Seahawks (haha jk)

Usually, a definition of failure is good. Because people don’t enjoy failing, or the negative connotations that are attached, they will work their butts off in order to do better. I could put in remarkable effort to finish a project mere hours before the deadline, even as I remained stuck for the proceeding week. Failure serves as a reminder to work harder and smarter, to do more with our lives. Without the bitter, there would be no sweet.

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Clouds

Seeking to glimpse the silver moon
Instead, blinded by clouds so bright
Like paintings, streaks of gold and red
Lit up the sky in the cool twilight.

Reflecting the rays of our life giving sun
Blank canvases flash and fill my sight.
Mouth agape, I can’t help but wonder
How gold was changed from bought but white.

But soon a dark hand sweeps past;
my whispy dreams soon fade.
The sun has set, and try I might,
But can’t recall those visions if light.

People Watching

Watching people go by,
stride by, sulk by, jog by,
living in their own bubbles
Places I will never know
or understand, of emotions I will never feel.
People who are so special
in their own culture.

Not even kings and lords
will ever have that exact joy
of the shared inside joke
or the playful tease
between you and I.

Dawn

And yet, the breaking of the dawn
Releases rays of light;
What once was lost, in the dark
Is found in fits of might.

Beginnings hang; creation start,
As earth turns anew.
Who knows the simple joys this day
Has for me and you?

The Little Things

Already, as the first week of school barely winds to an end, I’m starting to feel worn out with the sheer amount of stuffs to do. And honestly, it is getting a bit ridiculous for me.

But often, when you’re facing these kinds of insurmountable problems, the tiniest glimmer of hope or the faintest of sweet memories could help you hold on an persevere!

Often for me, when I’m doing something particularly unpleasant or mind numbing or just tedious, I him the same few bars of a song, and then start making up lyrics or just keeping those interesting thoughts in my head. Other times, I replay scenes and make small edits, creating worlds of possibilities where I sorta live for a while.

But one of the problems is that I have a ridiculously poor memory, and in order for it to work, I need a little bank of good memories to build on. I absolutely know that I have tons of those sparkling moments, but…they seem to quickly fade from my forest of memory.

That is why I am planning on journaling a little book, aptly titled “The Little Things”(named after this nice little song), to more or less review when I’m feeling down. Maybe looking back, I could find a happy moment and jolt me out of the temporary fugue state I’m in.

As an added bonus, writing this stuff down also helps me accentuate the positive in a way, so that my brain doesn’t only dwell on the impossibilities and misconceptions, but on the realities that are in front of my nose!

I originally contemplated making a neat little twitter feed out of it, but then I backtracked and thought, how about no. One of the problems that I sometimes deal with already is social media, and to some extent, my ego. Adding on to it, no matter how beneficial it might be, just plainly seems counterintuitive. So I dug out my nice trusty notebook, and started writing.

I think that it would be a good way to wind down before sleeping, although there are some big problems with that statement as it implies that I actually sleep. Still, the purpose of being a nice cool down and contemplation time for the day seems magically poetic to myself in this current state of mind.

Anyone else have good ideas of how they keep themselves same when it feels like their world is crashing down? Please share!

The Storm

Storm clouds hang above
not raining, not dispersing
just blocking our view
forcing us to wait for you.

Stuck in the void
not forwards nor backwards
stuck in a loop
futile actions

But the clouds loom darker
and darker
and you just scream;
You want this world to burn
with that heavenly fire,
that fire of the gods

‘Cause anything would be better
better than this limbo you’re in
better than this hellish reality

but soon the clouds crack
the first fat drops fall
And I sit there
tears hidden from view
‘Cause who am I?
How would I have known
that this would be worse.

 

The One Who Lives

The one who lives in mem’ries past
Will stumble through the day;
And never see the clear blue sky
Less marred by ghosts so grey.

The one who dreams of days to come
Is bound to nought do much;
For locked in sights so perfect, he
Lets time slip through his clutch.

And yet, the one whose feet are firm,
Who strikes at irons so hot,
Will lose his hope, his sense of self
His purpose not given a thought

For only fools will think they can
Survive with only one “time”
Without the mem’ries, the dreams, the now,
And live with nought reason nor rhyme.

The Learn’d Astronomer

Okay, clearly I did not write the following, but I wanted to repost this and share some of my day and feelings.

WHEN I heard the learn’d astronomer;
When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me;
When I was shown the charts and the diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them;
When I, sitting, heard the astronomer, where he lectured with much applause in the lecture-room,
How soon, unaccountable, I became tired and sick;
Till rising and gliding out, I wander’d off by myself,
In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,
Look’d up in perfect silence at the stars.

What a masterful poem by Walt Whitman!

So the reason that I was thinking about this today was in part because of the busyness(hehe pun) of the past two days of school. That’s right, two days have passed and I’ve already done some 10 hours of homework.

Today was actually one of those rare days where I was über focused on my work, in part because it was actually very interesting but also in part because I want to satisfy my own standards this year. Yes, I seem like a “good kid” on the outside, but as I mentioned before, 4.0s that are earned only by #NoSleep seem something like blood money to me. I resolved to do better this year.

But although I managed it today, I very much fear what it would be like in the future. Could I carry on under this massive weight for another 178 days? Would my resolve stand tall?

But after several hours integrating with trigonometric substitution and working on ion pumps, I finally took a good long break and went outside. This Seattle weather has been enjoying some good ol’ storms and gloomy weather, hence the overcast skies and hearts in many students. But tonight, save for a few wispy, lonely clouds, I could finally look up again.

It’s a bit odd how light that has travelled thousands of light years is able to keep me grounded on earth.

No, I don’t want to be an astronomer when I grow up, but seeing the sheer beauty and majesty of nature around me reminds me why I love to learn. It’s important to focus on the details, dotting your i’s and crossing your t’s, but you just have to stand back and see the whole picture sometimes. If nothing else, it keeps you alive inside.

There was a quote I remember reading, which stated something along the lines of “if you want to have others build a boat, don’t just get wood. Teach the others to yearn for the sea”. It is just as important to visit the sea when you’re feeling down, or lost and confused.

Hope you all out there are having good weeks and finding meaningful things to do!