Maxed Out

My trusty iPhone has served me exceptionally well over the past few years. It’s my goto place for music, easily accessible information, for capturing memories and writing blog posts late into the night.

But recently, a shocking thing happened.

I got the notification that, sorry, you don’t have enough memory to take another picture.

And suddenly, EVERYTHING slowed down.

Sometimes my brain feels like that. Usually it will be chugging along perfectly fine, but once in a while, I start to feel maxed out for some reason. While the logical thing to do at that point would be to take things a bit slower, one at a time, I am not a logical person.

Once my brain maxed out, everything stops.

I remember an anecdote by Richard Feynman about computing powers during the manhattan project. His team was able to produce almost three times he number of calculations as anyone else, almost 8 calculations per month! [obviously these are hard calculations and they had crappy computers]. But when he was asked to perform 2 calculations in a week, he couldn’t. His computers were not pumping out solutions one after another, in series, but were instead working on different parts of the solution at different times, working in parallel to be most efficient.

My brain works in parallel. It’s the reason why I can be extremely effective with anywhere from a little work to a limit of work, and the suddenly seem to snap with the straw that breaks the camel’s back. It’s why suddenly, wen the simplest tasks become Herculean, and how interacting with other people is suddenly like breathing in a solid whiff of gaseous hydrochloric acid.

So I suppose this is an apology of sorts, not in particular towards others but to myself for my own behavior. I’ll be back to my usual self soon enough!

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