Minds over Matter (Anesthesia and Vicoprofen)

Part I:

Time: 10:05, night before surgery

Honestly, this is just a bit of a prewrite done on a crappy iPad keyboard that is only being worked on due to no other devices. Yeah yeah, too spoiled. Whatever.

I wanted to just sorta document my mental state, and my current worries, before going in to the surgery, which will be the first time in my memory of going under general anesthesia, something that I find to be completely fascinating.

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Regret

So many emotions, overwhelming our senses
but never lasting for long
like a wave tossed through the ocean
our brain flitters and flutters
never staying long enough
in one spot.

But as we sway
to the rhythm of that ocean
a rare cloud sweeps over
that deep blue sky.

The shadow of doubt
lingers unlike any other
for though the waves come and go
changing with the moons and tides,
regret stays and sink through my soul
staining it black beyond belief.

Oh what I would have changed!
What I would have said and done!
But alas, Father Time is too cruel
and our time is
cut

So with no island on the horizon
I must sail on, sail through
with nothing but myself to blame.

——
I wish I talked to you more, waigong and waipo, while you were here. I mis you so so so much, and I just want to see you still, to hear your murmur of shanghainese. Old age is not kind, and your sudden return was not easy. NOw all I can do is comfort and be comforted by the passage of time.

I miss you.